It has been a long season away from vocational ministry. Many of you reading will remember my time as a worship leader on staff at one church or another, or for this ministry or that. Others will remember my time with Scenic/Unscene Patrol and how that was used regularly as a ministry platform, even though that wasn’t the design of the band. I’ve had the blessing of the last year to be able to take time off from my full-time job to regularly go and lead worship or (occasionally) preach, and something began to stir in my soul and in my wife’s soul about seven months ago that looked different from what we anticipated our return back to vocational ministry would look like.
For some background: I left vocational ministry about two-and-a-half years ago with a lot of questions on whether or not God had called me (and my family, because being in ministry full-time is a full family commitment) to ministry in the first place. It took about six months to be affirmed that God had in fact called us into a life of ministry, but the question remained: where? What did that ministry look like? Hailey and I had a lot of questions and regularly wrestled with a lot of topics that I was never forced to deal with before. From denominational differences, doctrinal stances, my lack of a college degree, all sorts of strategical perspectives, and so many more; my wife and I had to begin to flesh these sorts of things out on our own. I leaned into wisdom of dear friends and mentors, and we let ourselves step into a season of learning. We returned to Christ Community Church after I left vocational ministry and have remained members/attendees/servants in our congregation, allowing us to simply plug into community.
Since mid-2017 Hailey and I have been incredibly selective with ministry opportunities that have popped up, and have pursued about a half dozen worship pastor-type jobs, all of which have fallen through for one reason or another. It’s been difficult and I personally felt the weight of being passed over, particularly for a few jobs that I assumed were “shoe-ins” that also did not end up selecting me, which led to me spiraling a few times into depression and anger. I’ve had to walk through a lot of difficult conversations, vent my frustrations to close friends and family, and shed a lot of tears over the disappointment of not quite being “the right fit” in some places I felt were “the right fit” for my family and me.
Oh, how easy it is to forget that God is the Lord and we are not!
About ten months ago (so August 2018) I started having this nudge on my heart that God was trying to teach me to expect more from Him. After so many years in ministry, plus the nearly two-decades of being a Christian, I had a lot of assurance in the reality that God is able to be our provider and our protector and our source of peace and rest but the real question was not “do I believe He is able” but “do I believe that He will do that for me?” Naturally, I flippantly asked God in my prayers to soften my heart towards that- and even shared mere days later that I was being renewed to this reality. It’s now been ten months and I’m beginning to wonder if this is going to be the “thorn in my side” like Paul talks about in his second letter to the Corinthians (you can Google it, or wait for the next “Artist and The Gospel” blog post). Or if this will be my life’s most frustrating sin struggle. The lack of trust I have in God to actually come through in my life is just as bad as believing that God couldn’t pull it off in the first place. Oh, me of little faith! Wow, what a sobering thought!
So here I sit, almost a year after God nudged me with this conviction, only marginally better at expecting God to provide. Only marginally closer to believing the truth that He will care for my needs and the needs of my family and not just that He can. Only marginally closer to comprehending the God of the universe cares for the little things without needing to be a magic genie or a Disneyland Dad or the god of wealth and prosperity. This has become a very difficult conviction to grow in, but I’m growing and my family is growing in it too.
All of this has led up to a new season of ministry that I honestly never would have thought to have happen this way (props to the creativity and unpredictability of God). In the midst of doors shutting for opportunities I pursued, other doors opened naturally and without much effort to travel to lead worship for all sorts of events. Student camps, mens conferences, all sorts of gatherings on Sunday mornings and so many more just flooded in and have kept coming. Hailey and I started wondering if God was trying to push us to face this question in an incredibly practical way: do we expect God to provide for us? For our souls who need community, for our friendships that we pour into, for our own marriage, for our kids’ understanding of the Gospel, for our families ability to be involved in the local Church, and yes for our bills to get paid. Or do just tell other people that we believe God can without ever expecting that He will? So we are stepping into the door that the Lord has seemingly opened wide for us and giving Him our preemptive “yes” and our full surrender to commit to trusting Him with it all, no matter how scary it might be.
It feels like an important disclaimer to add: we do not believe in the health-and-wealth prosperity Gospel. God does not owe it to use to pay our mortgage or ensure that my voice doesn’t die out. God is, instead, a good father to knows our needs better than we do. Sometimes our needs are straightforward like needing our mortgage paid. Other times (and I’m tempted to say “most of the time” here) our needs are more deeply experiential and less tangible. We are trusting God to determine our needs and meet them in His own plan. Oh, how he already has!
It’s so odd that I spent so many years touring with Scenic, only for it to fade to its death. It’s so odd that I would spend so many years working in the Church only to have so many opportunities closed. It’s so odd that my time in the general marketplace would start off in my wheelhouse of sorts and eventually migrate to something that my skill set and personality tends to clash with. But Jesus is a very odd person, and had very odd teachings, who came to Earth in a very odd way, who interacted with odd people He “had no business speaking to” (or rather, who had no business speaking to Him), who became the bridge of salvation in a very odd way, who offers it to us in the oddest of ways, who oddly enough had to leave us in order to send us this odd Helper, and who will return with a very colorful (read: odd) second act. So yes, there is a lot going on and I am very confused about the “why” behind a lot of things. But I am very confident that I have a Savior and a Lord who is more than able to provide- He is willing! And I’m willing to be the oddball who says “here I am, Lord! send me!” (Isaiah 6:8) Hailey and I are giving God our preemptive yes to do this very odd thing.
These are my prayer requests: would you pray for me and for my family? As we step into this new season of ministry- whether it’s for several years or several months- we are pursuing the God of the universe and are stepping out in faith that He will cover our needs (somehow!) but more importantly that He will continue to give us the next step and the next step and the next. Would you pray for our travels? My wife and kids will sometimes travel with me and will sometimes stay behind at home. Will you pray that my kids will grow in faith and that they will not grow to resent God or ministry? Will you pray for me to be able to know when to slow down and rest and be with my family? Will you pray for my wife to not feel a sense of loneliness but that our companionship would be stronger than ever? Would you pray for all of the children, students, prisoners, pastors, drug addicts, alcoholics, workaholics, musicians, artists, blue-collar, white-collar and no-collar who are local, regional, national, and international that we will get to share the Gospel with through this ministry? Would you pray for continued addition of opportunities for as long as the Lord wills us to continue doing this type of ministry? Will you pray for me to continue to grow in my own faith and my own skills that I could be as utilizable to God as He would want me to be? Will you pray for my continued humbling (because those close to me know that I already have enough pride, ha)?
Lastly, I hope you would also feel convicted to truly have faith that Jesus is who He says He is and that we can have (biblically-accurate) expectations from God to provide what He promises. He never promises it will be easy, but He does promise that if the birds have food and the flowers are clothed, how much more will He take care of us? (Matt. 6:25-24) I am not just believing in God’s ability, but expecting His own fulfillment of His own plans and am so humbled and thankful to be playing a small part for this new season of life.
If you have any questions or would like to learn more about what I’m doing, feel free to comment below or send me an email. Thank you for partnering with us in prayer!
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Kevin McClure has been leading worship in the local church for over 10 years in different capacities of student and adult ministries. As a songwriter, musical artist, and worship leader he has had the honor of touring the United States both as a performer and worship leader over the better part of the last decade. With a heart to see believers learn how to take the act of worship beyond the setting of a group gathering, Kevin is incredibly intentional with his time on and offstage to help teach the practice of worship as a lifestyle. Kevin lives in Omaha, Nebraska with his bride Hailey and his two daughters, Everleigh (8) and Eliska (2). His favorite food is coffee (lifesource), loves bonfires, and is convinced that Jesus is a Chicago Cubs fan.
Kevin McClure 