I’ve heard this question a few too many times. It’s actually become quite irritating, to be honest:
“Why do you think millenials are leaving the Church?”
It’s a pretty ridiculous question, and though it’s important at the surface level of the matter, it might not be the right question being asked. It might be that too many church leaders are trying to bandage a problem that really needs chemo. It might be that the problem really doesn’t have to do with the Church, or millenials as a whole, but rather the communication between the two. It could be that the definition of “the problem” really isn’t the problem at all. If I may, I’d like to give some unsolicited thought to the conversation, from the perspective of a millenial who has left the Church and come back, with a lot of friends who have walked away from their faith and others who have flourished in their walk with God. I don’t claim to have all knowledge, but I’d like to claim that my experience should give some credibility. Worst case scenario is that my other millenial friends might start weighing in and joining the discussion, which might not be too bad for the church. Oh, look, the segue to my first thought.
1. Maybe millenials are underutilized in the Church
Hey, pastors and ministry leaders, have you considered that the 18-25 year olds that have great input and talents aren’t being utilized? “But our whole worship band is college students!” isn’t the appropriate response. Choosing songs, creating art, even giving little “worship thoughts” between songs doesn’t really count (though I will agree that those things are important). We don’t want to just be pieces to your services. We want to know WHY those things are important. We want to understand what music has to do with your Sunday morning gatherings. We want to know why you’re even gathering in the first place. We want you to utilize our ability to think deeply. When you spoonfeed us (like you probably did while we were in Middle School and High School) we get braindead. We get incredibly bored. Oh, by the way, your services are boring, but it’s not because there’s not enough excitement. It’s because you’re assuming a lack of intelligence in us, and responding to that. And if you continue to spoonfeed, you might grow in numbers, but you won’t grow in depth. Which leads me to the next point:
2. Just because the generations above us are still around doesn’t mean they’re more engaged
There are far too many comparisons going on in this discussion of young twentysomethings leaving the Church. “The generations before the millenials weren’t as hard to win back” and “Every generation has seen a decline in church attendance as they reach maturity” have nothing in common except for one thing: comparison. In case you’ve forgotten, this millenial generation is really good at comparing ourselves to eachother, but refuses to compare ourselves to “irrelevant” comparisons. We hate it. Despise it, even. Don’t compare us to Generation X. They aren’t the same. We grew up with the Internet. We’ve been constantly told for 15 years that we control the future. Man, we’ve SEEN things change dramatically in our short duration of awareness (remember when “video calls” were just in the movies? That stuff is mobile on our iPhones now!). We’re sick of being told why the last generation is or was better than us. Have you looked at that generation recently? I’m not impressed. That’s the generation that TAUGHT US how to be consumers. They told us that if it wasn’t good enough for them that it shouldn’t be good enough for us. But you know what? I don’t think they even believe that what IS good enough for them is good enough for them. I see far more 35-50 year olds with blank faces and disengaged eyes in church on Sundays than the twentysomethings. Is that because the numbers of that demographic is larger? Partially. But really all you did was attract the unengaged. All you did was win people to free coffee and human interactions over staying in bed. You never won them to a mission. So maybe you need to stop comparing us to that generation, and instead utilize our generation in what is necessary, by teaching us why the mission is even relevant to our lives.
3. Hey, by the way, I’m still around.
Oh, look, a 21-year-old college-age man. Nobody seems to take note until it’s too late. Like when he stops showing up. Church leaders, you seem to be forgetting that I’m still here, and so are a lot of others. Maybe we aren’t the most hard-working members of your congregation. Maybe we aren’t the most dedicated Sunday-morning attendee. But you know what, maybe that isn’t completely (though I will agree it is partially) our fault. Maybe we don’t understand your vision. Maybe we don’t even know what your vision is. By the way, why is your vision God’s vision? Can you prove that to me? Can you better explain how I fit? Why should that be important to me? I don’t think you understand, dear pastors, how badly we want to understand. I don’t think you understand how big a task it is to come up to you and ask you. You’re intimidating. So it’s easier for us to just leave. But, maybe you could utilize those of us that are still hanging around (see point 1) to maybe continue to love on our friends as Jesus loves on you and me. Maybe the only reason you see my generation leaving the Church, church leaders, is because you’re so worried about who has already left the Church. Maybe you could pour into us, the still-around, the under-informed, the unafraid-of-hard-questions. Have you considered that? I don’t mean to bash on the “old folks” who have great wisdom and knowledge, but if you expect us to just “experience” what you’ve experienced then we’re not going to get it. And we’re never going to get it. You need to explain it to us. Trust me, we want to know, but if you can’t explain it to us, then it’s not relevant. It’s an old experience from an age-gone-by. We can’t relate to you. Learn how to explain it to us, then maybe you’ll see us sticking around.
I don’t think I fully understand every personality type of my generation, but just because you get the “balance of power” between personality types means that my arguments above are invalid. I don’t think I can speak for everyone in my generation that is sleeping in on Sunday mornings, but I think I can speak for most that went, even thrived, during our high school and childhood years, then left. I also don’t think that the problem is that your music lacks creativity or is too “old school”. If that were the problem, trust me, we would let you know that it was lame (some of you are still singing out of hymnals, so maybe you guys could try a little harder). The real problem is that you seem to think we can’t comprehend what you’re talking about. And I don’t blame you, because I think the generation before us had a hard time comprehending what the generation before them was trying to teach. That’s why they sucked at teaching us. But instead of assuming that your way is “The Lord’s Way” maybe you could tell us why. And if you can’t, maybe you yourself don’t fully understand “The Lord’s Way”. After all, we’re the generation that watches TED talks and were taught the process of Evolution in High School and laughed at Bill Maher throughout our high school and early college lives, but we bought the “Christian No More” tagline. We have been taught how to process, but we don’t think the Church knows how to. Don’t ignore that and tell us just to “do as we’re told”. We can’t stand that, and it only validates that assumption. Teach us WHY God says what he said. We’re thirsting for it.
I get that a lot of stuff has to be experienced. You can’t just EXPLAIN the existence of God. But if you don’t even TRY to explain why you choose to meet every Sunday morning, play music, sing in unison, talk for 40 minutes, take our money (or at least try to take what little we have), or bug us about joining a small group we’re just not going to stick around. And maybe we’ll come back when we have kids, but we won’t fully understand faith ourselves. And we’ll look just like those blank-faced unengaged fortysomethings that you are praising because they’re still around. And we’ll all have this same problem in about 20-25 years. So let’s do something now, together, as the “leaders of tomorrow” are becoming the “leaders of today” before we repeat an ugly and unnecessary mistake.
We Can Be One, my friends
-Kevin
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Kevin McClure is a songwriter, musical artist, and worship leader. His singing & songwriting has led to him touring the United States both as a performer and worship leader. Kevin lives in Omaha, Nebraska with his wife and two daughters. You can follow him on all social media platforms under @KevinTMcClure.
Kevin McClure 
Interesting take, but I’m afraid you only add to the stereotype, not detract from it. This generation (which I’m a part of) does indeed lack something that the generations before us had: Putting in the work to find our place in God’s Church. The very thing you harp against (being spoonfed the basics of God’s will for our lives) is the very thing you seem to demand from the “elders” of the church. The “tell us why, or we’re gone” mentality is exactly why we millenials can’t seem to stay in church long enough to learn the verse of a Chris Tomlin tune. Can’t you see the problem? We demand that our elders and pastors tell us why we drove out the big room under the steeple, or what God’s will is for us, when really, isn’t that our job to figure out? Can we not maintain a healthy prayer regimen on our own? Do we really need to depend on our parents and grandparents to show us how to live, or how to get guidance from God’s word? We are all capable of reading the Bible, applying His word to our hearts and lives, and praying for guidance and direction in our everyday lives. And from one worship leader to another…those “hymnals” you speak of are some of the greatest songs ever written. My church in particular, which is made up of mostly millenials, sings almost exclusively hymnals during our worship time..and would prefer it that way. Our generation has better taste than you might give it credit for.
Simply put, I don’t think it’s as simple as being spoonfed an ideal. I believe this generation has to truly crave God’s word and His will before they will ever be willing to really absorb it. Asking our spiritual leaders to adjust to the lazy demands of the “internet” generation is only adding to the problem. The answers are there if we truly want to find them.
– Josh D.
That’s an absolutely fair and understandable perspective, but I think we’re both talking from different points of view. You’re speaking from the standpoint of which this generation needs to take up arms and take responsibility, which I agree with, but I think we can only do that when we’re led well. I see the misunderstanding that I might not have communicated well with the “spoonfed vs. demand” thing, but I’m not demanding spoonfeeding, but rather great leadership. I’m calling out for great leadership and a willingness to not only blaze the trail but also to shepherd the flock. If we aren’t shepherded then we have every right to leave, unless of course we understand how to assist that leadership (which you seem like you do). Your last paragraph totally rules and I agree with it, it just doesn’t fit this blog because instead of speaking from all perspectives I chose to speak from one specific one to one specific demographic. Thanks for you comment, it really is a great perspective, almost to the opposite end of the conversation. You should write a blog or something. 😉
Finally, someone said it.
This is how I have been thinking for the last 5 or so years of my life. Thank you for putting it into words.
Kevin thanks for your perspective, and you have a point that young people are leaving the church “at least it seems “.. but not only the church I think.. that they are Leaving Clubs/Good Will organizations, government,… I don’t pretend to know why either… I basically acted as most tend to upon confirmation.. I left to do my thing, and then upon finding the Love of my life.. needed the church to unite us under God.. I really owe it to my wife for getting me back in the pew.. so to speak, and then with each little addition to our family my interest to attend increased. Yes the messages seem to be old, and sermons depend on how they are told.. to engage.. but we both know that faith can not be “shown, or taught”.. I have sat and pondered.. how.. My Grandfather and Grandmother.. never missed a Sunday Service through there young family years with Farming, and six kids… and it is like anything else.. we must choose to make it a priority, we must choose to ponder, listen absorb, and try to apply certain things to our own personal life… whether it is Church, or a special event.. or a coffee date.. depending upon its importance to our life,, we choose whether.. everything stops and will continue after… or we choose to blow by.. cause “we are too busy”… as a member of my local Trinity Lutheran Church I would welcome any ideas of how to start this re-connection.. and I would encourage you or others… to volunteer at your local church to try something different.. and then if that church isn’t interested… find another.. because there are many voids to be filled, and one in our church that is always deperately needed is Sunday School Teachers, and what better way to teach a different way. I do believe that he is the reason I am still alive today, I do believe that he gives us opportunity each day to make a difference, or enjoy what he and others he has gudied have put here. Thanks for the discussion.. and best of luck to both of us… well all of us…..